The assistance of an Infertility Specialist

As we have one foot in the world of parenthood and one foot in the world of infertility, we have tried, and are still trying, to find a balance.  I keep thinking the time will come when my heart will be lightened and I will be content and no longer longing to be pregnant, to feel life within, and to call a baby mine.  But until that time comes, we still try to find a way to make it happen. 

As I mentioned earlier, from Aug. 2006 to March of 2007 I focused on my health and losing some weight in hopes that would be enough to jump start my reproductive system.  Unfortunately, it wasn't enough.  So, from March 2007 - May 2007 my OB/GYN had me do three cycles of Clomid with Metformin to see if we could achieve a viable pregnancy.  No. Nothing. So it was time to be aggressive and she referred us back to the infertility specialist.

Well, we actually had insurance that covered parts of treatments - office visits and some medications, but not all meds and not other parts of treatment.  So Jay & I discussed it in great detail and we weren't sure how we could afford the parts that weren't covered.  We decided to meet with the doctor in June so we could discuss with the him our options.  The visit went well, but the statistics for an unassisted pregnancy based on my age (approaching 35) and history, especially the multiple miscarriages, were grim.  He stressed the importance of being aggressive if we wanted to achieve a viable pregnancy. 

We were aggravated because of all the losses we had and here we were being told that it was still going to be extremely difficult for us.  It didn't make sense, and to make it worse someone close to us was pregnant with twins - someone that wasn't even trying, was on birth control, and was content with her family size of two children when she found out she was pregnant.  It happens all the time around us, in the world, someone doesn't plan a pregnancy, doesn't want anymore kids, yet they are given this gift.  Then you have all those so-called parents that hurt their children -- WHY?? WHY have they been given such a gift that they don't want, don't long for with an aching heart, haven't prayed for, and don't take care of and rear in a loving home with discipline and guidance?? 

As we had explained to the doctor, we were only willing to go so far with his assistance because we felt blessed for the three children we have and we felt that certain procedures were reserved for those who still had empty arms.  He helped explain the financial aspect of our choices and wrote the orders for the first cycle.  We applied for a fertility loan to help cover the expenses that the insurance wouldn't cover and from June 2007 through October 2007 we were under his care.  We went through three cycles of oral meds, mid-cycle ultrasounds, a monthly injection, and IUIs to find out we finally achieved a pregnancy in October (the September cycle was a success) to only have it end in a miscarriage. 

The doctor's recommendation was with three failed cycles it was time to step up the next level of meds (daily injections); however, I wasn't ready.  So, we took three months off and then in February 2008 I requested that all unused funds be returned to our lender because I still wasn't ready to subject myself to fourteen days of shots and continue all the other invasive procedures.  I just wanted to get pregnant on my own. 

So, here we are in January of 2010 and we are still hopeful that it will happen.  However, now I am dealing with the latest diagnosis, one that has provoked an emotional roller coaster.