The Next Step

I was thinking the other day about what to do differently to help encourage any ounce of fertility I might have.  We’ve done various things over the years, and still have not been successful.  Even though I tried the “losing 10% of your body weight,” cycles of oral meds, and cycles with oral meds & a HCG shot to stimulate ovulation and none of those worked for us, I am still willing to go back to the basics and try to figure this out and hopefully have it happen on its own. 

Jay and I feel very blessed to have our three beautiful children.  There is something in me that really feels some of the fertility treatments/methods should be reserved for those couples and families who haven’t been blessed with a child or a sibling for the first born.  It still amazes me how many women/couples are struggling to have that child and on the flip side how many families, we know, that are having or have had six plus children – even in the double digits.  I still struggle with the ‘why’?  Why is that family been blessed with eleven or twelve children when there are so many couples that haven’t had yet one? 

For us, our family plan was four.  Four seemed like a nice round number -good size family, and we wanted to have them no more than two years apart.  That was our plan, but apparently our plan wasn’t good enough for His plan.  I’m still not sure what His plan is and why we have had to bear so many losses – because in my heart I still feel four is the right number.  So, that is where my focus still is.

We were hoping the D&C would help regulate my cycles and help with getting pregnant, but that hasn’t been the case.  Matter of fact, my cycles are just as crazy, if not more now.  I explained how I bled and bled after the procedure in a previous post.  Well, my next cycle was really short (23 days) and then the next was really long (45 days) but when the two average out it falls in line with my normal 33 – 35 day cycles.  That’s my explanation for the craziness.

Well, I postponed my May 12th doctor appointment because I had just returned from our long trip.  We’re scheduled to go in July, but I’m thinking about postponing it too.  I have some new personal goals to attain before we go down the road of fertility treatments.  I told Jay the other day I have a mission. 

Unfortunately, since our move to ND I have put on some weight. I am now back to my highest weight again and I think it’s time to get rid of it.  This time though hasn’t been as easy. Last time I just changed my eating habits – smaller portions & eating healthier things, but that’s not working this time around.  So, now the focus is to get moving so I can lose weight and get fit at the same time. 

So my mission or goals if you will . . . *  to lose at least 30 lbs – only if I had the time those Biggest Losers have at the ranch – by the end of December, so six months; *  start having more positive thoughts – according to my old doctor our mind has a lot to do with it too; and then it will be time to focus 110% on getting pregnant. 

It’s been a while . . .

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve been here.  I have been a little preoccupied by all the mommies-to-be around me.  My brother’s wife is due any day now and my husband’s sister is expecting her first in December.  Plus a friend back home is due in the next month and a cousin’s wife is due in October.  It’s wonderful news for these mommies-to-be and I am truly excited for them. 

I have to admit, each time I heard about someone new expecting I’d get a little twinge and wish I was joining their ranks, but it’s the first time I wasn’t absolutely devastated by the good news. 

Of course, as we approach the arrival of our nephew, the kids’ cousin, Zack more so than any of the others is asking questions.  He has had the whole “sex talk” so he knows about the birds and the bees, but he is asking about our previous pregnancies and miscarriages.  Then of course, today in his health – we school year round – he started a chapter about his changing body and it started off with the beginning of life with pictures of babies in utero and talked about conception to birth. 

So, then he was curious how far along I was with the pregnancies when the miscarriages occurred.  He even remembered that our last miscarriage was over two years ago – two years and eight months ago.  Those conversations are getting easier to have. 

I know when I see my nephew for the first time, my heart will ache, but I will also be so happy he is part of our extended family and that my brother and his wife have been blessed with such a wonderful gift.